"Real World: Sydney" Prevents "Down Under" Jokes

There are a lot of things one could say about MTV's "The Real World." There are also a lot of things one could say about apples. What I would say about apples is that they are delicious in pies. What I would say about "The Real World" is that it is damn brilliant.


Number one, documentaries were around since Jane Goodall took an interest in primates, but to document on film real life for young people, that started with "The Real World." For better or worse, thank MTV for all the rest of reality TV.

So its original. Fine. So is astro turf on flip flops, but that didn't really amount to much. (Shame, those were kinda comfy.)

Number two, it stuck to what works. The average good looking person is really fascinating. Average good looking people also tend to have sex a lot. Average good looking people do weird things for attention, and young average good looking people drink a lot and are typically self-obsessed.

But the average good looking person can also be a good person, a not so good person, etc. And watching seven of them, its always fun to play "F**K, Marry, or Kill." (Who do you want to f**k, marry, or kill? Sorry, parentals. Its all abstract thinking.) Its especially fun to watch them and think about who you relate to, who sucks and why, and not have to worry about it hurting their feelings, because they are real people but they are also on television. So it won't get back to them.


Actually, I was just watching episode six of the Sydney cast and I needed to bring up the show somehow.

Mainly:

Shauvon falls off of Isaac's knee and thinks she's bleeding and starts totally freaking out and yelling and cussing at Isaac. He refuses to apologize because, well, she fell about a foot and a half off his knee, plus she was wasted and playing Twister. Also, she landed on the carpet, on her ass, and there was no logical reason for her to react like she reacted. Basically, he had a point, initially.

He's sticking to the "she's not hurt, she's flipping out, and I didn't do anything so why should I apologize?" line of thought, but everyone else in the house is getting annoyed with her shrieking and urges him to apologize.

All he can get out is "I'm sorry gravity worked in your disfavor." (It's brilliant, but not necessarily grammatically correct all the time, much like yours truly.)

THEN they start getting really upset. They exchange words about when, exactly, Isaac should shut the f**k up, he disagrees, she throws some food at him, and he throws some food at her, she throws some water, he calls her a slut, she gets REAL mad and says, why, because I wouldn't have sex with you?

Kelly-Anne to the rescue. She take Isaac aside and rightly points out that sure, he is right, it wasn't his fault. But he had kissed Shauvon the day before, and her pride was hurt. All he had to say was something like, hey, honey, you all right? Plus, Kelly-Anne says, she's wasted, doesn't know up from down, and she doesn't know what she's saying. He concedes, and goes back in to make things right. Kelly-Anne struts back inside, triumphant that she fixed other people's problems since she can't fix her own, and Isaac follows behind her to, you would think, ask Shauvon how she's doing.

What happens is:

Shauvon is laying on the couch surrounded by the other girls in the house, who are cooing over her while she cries and looks very very melodramatic, much like you would imagine a drunk girl in her twenties to look after falling on national television and then being called a slut.

Isaac, walking in purposefully: "Shauvon...Shauvon...I apologize for calling you a slut, I shouldn't a done that, but I was a little angry, because its a very disrespectful thing to pour water on somebody like that...and I was pissed...and like I didn't mean like your a slut like that...when I just get up and start yelling at a girl, thats one of the first words that comes out is you're a slut, you're a whore....you're a (bleeped words...more bleeped words...Shauvon covers her mouth and starts sobbing again...)...ok...there's a bunch of other words that also that I'll start to say to girls just to make them pissed off...(scratches his face, starts slowing down, possibly noticing this isn't going as planned...Shauvon starts audibly weeping, Kelly-Anne reaches over and hugs Shauvon)....uhm, I just wanted to apologize for calling you a slut...(Parisa turns around to give him a dirty look as he says...)...so, uhm, you can apologize for throwing water at me whenever you want?"

(Literally, I watched this scene like twenty times to verify what Isaac says.)

Kelly-Anne, holding Shauvon's head and stroking her hair, whispers in Shauvon's ear: "Just apologize, apologize."

Shauvon, sobbing loudly, holds out her hands in confusion, and says: " I'm sorry? I'm sorry..."

Isaac, sincerely: " 'pology accepted. (Eyebrows raised appreciatively, and then, turning to leave the girls to their sobfest...) This was a good talk. This was a GOOD talk."

Later Isaac reveals that he is no longer comfortable with anyone sitting on his knee, ever. Shauvon cries more about the boy she left behind, who apparently proposed to her on the condition she give up her career so she could have his kids and time travel back to the 1950s. Then there is a comical reenactment by the boys of the house of the dramatic fall/water throwing, and Shauvon reveals that sometimes when she gets drunk she regrets what she said, especially what she doesn't remember saying. She also agrees that it is never appropriate to throw water on people's heads.

Sure, some bits are amped up. Some bits are oversexualized, overdramatized.

So what. So are sitcoms. People act a little differently on camera. Its not funny on purpose, but its not unfunny on purpose either.

So there's a lot of things you can say about "The Real World."

But don't ever say it's not educational.

I learned that playing Twister while intoxicated can lead to trouble, not least of which is being called a slut.

I learned that slutty activities include, but are not limited to, falling while intoxicated, throwing water, and abstaining from sex.

I learned that there are many ways to define a "good talk."

Finally, I learned that throwing water is disrespectful. I always thought it was flirtatious, like when you're on the beach, or helpful, like for when people are on fire. Now, I understand the true consequences of dangerously flinging liquids.

Seriously, though, how can you not be in awe of this show? How does it even exist? How do people not love Cohutta so much? He is adorable. Poor Kelly-Anne, in love with Cohutta. What kind of a name is Cohutta? Or Dunbar, or Shauvon, for that matter? Do they have to work at all this season or did I miss that? Why is Parisa so annoying? Shouldn't she be cooler? Why do I love Kelly-Anne even though she is a little bit of flirt? Why are there four hot girls and two southern boys and one guy from ASU? What happened to diversity? Plus are there no gay cast members this season? That means unlimited hook-ups between the boys and girls, and no off limits boys for the girls to confide in. WHAT? Will that even work?

So many questions...see, the show makes me THINK!